We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
