Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
