dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
