i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
