I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
