I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
