When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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