you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
