I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
