Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
