I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
