This house was built for laser tag.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just googled if crying burns calories
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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