Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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