dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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