fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
