i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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