i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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