Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
