Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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