Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize