i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
