I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
