I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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