Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
