ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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