Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
