We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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