I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The air taste purple.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
