I'm going to jail i love you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
MIDGETS
????
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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