i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
