the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
