the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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