They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Randomize
