I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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