every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Shame - the story of my life.
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