I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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