My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I came so hard my ears popped.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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