listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
