Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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