so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
