...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
