Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
