What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Randomize
