I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
