I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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