Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
