I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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