you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
