why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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