I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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