I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
