dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
