Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
this hospital has no fireball
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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