His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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