I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize