mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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