Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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