Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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