We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
