Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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