just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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