I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
