I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had to cum in my sink.
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