She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
