Tell her she can't have a vagina
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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