"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
