I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
