Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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