i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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