you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
