WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize