I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
