Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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