Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
