So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
