I'm so fucking centered right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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