you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
