guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
